apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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