My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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