I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
