we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize