this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
