i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
