I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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