when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
