stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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