I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
