He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize