U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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