Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
