Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
