If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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