I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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