Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
