I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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