I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
