a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
