I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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