Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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