is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
