Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
