I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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