I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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