no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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