Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
