Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
