Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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