In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The adults are the big ones right?
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