plz talk dirty to me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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