is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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