So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
