so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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