just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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