Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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