oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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