lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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