Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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