when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
