would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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