How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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