Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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