As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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