oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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