used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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