Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
