White coat. Heels.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
