I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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