Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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