I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
