i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
