If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
