I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I AM VODKA MAN
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
