a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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