I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
