He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
