My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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