And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
