he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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