the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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