At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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