wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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