I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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