Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Maybe he injected his testicle?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
