the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
