I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
