people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
