So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
