yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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