I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
