Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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