Life is so much better after having sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
